Things I Learned from My Cat

(Originally published on Medium, December 1, 2022)

Stretch a lot, sleep a lot, always be posing.

You are spectacular. Look at you. Pfft. Kidding me?

Cover up your shit. Nobody will see it, and eventually it will disappear like magic.

Only eat if you’re hungry. You don’t have to finish that food. Ever. There is no food shortage. Don’t be a glutton. You’re not a dog..

Don’t be needy. Have you seen yourself? Wait a minute, and someone will come to you. Let them. Make them. They will.

Be patient. Patience is hot.

Make lots of eye contact. Stop talking with your mouth so much and learn to speak with your eyes. Eyes can say everything.

Avoid eye contact. Your eyes are one of your best features. But nobody will appreciate them if they’re staring yearningly all the time. Again, you’re not a dog.

Listen more. Listen carefully. Listening is one of your greatest powers.

But so is not listening. Ignore things. Not everything or everyone is worthy of being heard.

Everyone is not worthy of you. Set boundaries. Egyptians worshipped you. Find your Egyptian.

The interesting thing that has captured your attention? It’s interesting because it may move. It will be more interesting when it moves. Wait for it. Be patient. Do I still need to remind you that you’re not a dog?

It’s okay to tap or nudge the interesting thing, but only once or twice. Don’t be needy. You don’t need the interesting thing. Know there will be always be another interesting thing.

But know this: It’s not your fault if and when the interesting thing stops moving.

Some interesting things die. You might have killed the interesting thing. Or not. Who cares. Yawn, stretch, and move on.

Make use of jumping. You will probably land on your feet. If you don’t land on your feet, just pretend you never meant to land on your feet in the first place. Nobody will know. People aren’t very smart.

You’re smarter than most people. Most people are ridiculous. After all, they make your shit disappear.

You don’t have to get up and move. Your Egyptian can get up and move. Teach them that early on.

So what if someone’s calling you to come? Yawn. If you ignore them, they’ll want you more. Know that. Don’t be a dog.

Boxes. It’s okay to put yourself in a box sometimes. You might fit. You might not. If you don’t like it, you’ll get back out. You don’t know if you don’t try.

Know what you need. Sometimes it’s the sunny spot. Sometimes it’s the dark cave under the bed. Know what you want. But feel free to change your mind and hate that thing you just loved. This includes being touched.

Seek company. Seek solace. Sleep, stretch, pose, self-care, repeat. Don’t settle. You have all the time in the world. You have nine lives.

Find your Egyptian. Actually, scratch that. Have you seen yourself? You’re spectacular. Your Egyptian will find you.

Originally published on Medium, December 1, 2022